Encouraging Through Cards & Notes
How can you encourage someone with cancer?
START by sending a card or note—or better yet—send a series of notes or cards over time. Bonus points IF you’re in a position where you can include a gift card (Amazon, grocery, Target, restaurants, etc., are likely preferred in that order).
Why a card?
Mail received in the mailbox is good for (at least) three reasons:
Getting to the mailbox is often an activity goal on bad days so cards being in the mailbox when a patient gets there is a reward for hard work!
(By the way, the picture with this post on the blog home page was taken on one of those hard days for me!)
Bills have no trouble making their way into the mailboxes of cancer patients (trust me), so having some joy to balance out the bills is a gift even before the envelope is opened!
Chemo brain as well as strange sleep patterns have an unbelievable way of erasing electronic messages. I cannot even count the number of times I received a text or email from someone with no recollection of the message. Something a little more tangible is a great treat and more easily remembered.
And why a series of cards? Why Cancer Care Cards specifically?
If you’re new to my journey, let me begin by providing you with a brief timeline of my experience. My initial diagnosis was December 20, 2018, and my last surgery (that concluded my standard of care treatment) was August 22, 2019. In between the two, I had 16 rounds of chemo, 2 surgeries, and 44 radiation treatments. As I type this in February 2022, I’m just over 2.5 years into the status of ‘no evidence of disease’ (NED), and I am still on a maintenance drug that I’ll be on for 10+ years as well as a clinical trial drug for another year (to complete a three-year regimen).
I chose to participate in the trial for several reasons, one of which is because I am at high risk for cancer to come back, and the purpose of this trial is to determine whether adding it to the end of the standard of care for Stage 3 patients helps to prevent a recurrence. When I say I’m high risk, there are a few things that are different about my case than the typical patient post-standard of care. First, I still have my port (an implanted device used to receive chemotherapy). Second, I still have follow-up appointments every 8 weeks. Many cancer survivors have graduated to 3-month or 6-month check-ups by this point and their ports were removed at least a year ago. This is humbling to me. It’s also helpful for you to know that cancer is still something I live with even though my body - THANKFULLY - is no longer showing its signs.
By providing a brief timeframe of my treatment protocol as well as mentioning my continued appointments and medications, I hope to show that my experience was not quick or simple. One lesson I learned is that greeting cards often say “get well soon” and most cancer recovery does not follow a “soon” timeframe. Some do; many do not and unfortunately, some never will.
I also learned that most Get Well greeting cards in the mainstream market have a sweet theme including gardens, scriptures, or baby animals. These are lovely and appreciated and are almost exclusively what a patient receives during a cancer journey. The thing about cancer though is not all the days dealing with it happen in bed or on the couch. Cancer patients are living life in between the bad days of treatment by fighting traffic, navigating work or school, raising children, figuring out bills and schedules and insurance, and all the other things in life that make it hard on a good day. While the sweet cards are still received with appreciation, there’s something just missing sometimes.
During my journey, there were just enough cards with a nod towards humor, empowerment, “you can do it”, edginess, or “I’m sorry that this stinks”-type messages that helped me realize these sentiments are what’s missing in greeting cards for cancer patients. When I received cards like these, they were among my favorites because I felt they “got it”. Many of these cards were sent by those who had been through similar battles and “just knew”.
In my efforts to help people like you better support those you love, I knew I could do something about this missing piece in the greeting card market. As you’ll notice, the Cancer Care Cards available through Lulu’s Fight represent a variety of different themes with interests that can resonate across age, gender, race, and backgrounds. They are blank inside because every patient is different, and you know your friend better than I do. So, choosing an individual card or pack of cards could help you show you “get it” and encourage your loved one in a thoughtful way while giving back to cancer research! (A portion of each sale goes to fund research to end Inflammatory Breast Cancer. More on that in a future post.)
What should you say in your cards & when should you send them?
These are two great questions I get often so I’ve included a resources page to answer these questions. Please check out the What to Say or When to Send resources to help craft your message or learn a little bit about your favorite patient’s journey that can help you know when to send a card or note. As for what to say, don’t overthink it. Your message can be as simple as:
“I’m thinking about you.”
“Hi! Cancer stinks… I hope this card helps you know I care.”
“Hi! Just wanted to send some strength as I know it’s not easy.”
“Hello, I’m your neighbor and heard you’re on a tough journey. We’re thinking of you.”
“Hello, we’re coworkers and even though we haven’t met, I wanted to let you know I’m proud of you for navigating this journey and work.”
And if you’re one who feels the need to fill a blank card (you’re in good company), and if that feels overwhelming, try writing with a marker or Sharpie… the words take up more space with these writing instruments so you don’t have to write as much. ;)
As for when to send, it really doesn’t matter but you should know that more people send cards and support at the beginning of a journey. As time goes on, fewer cards are sent. If you can, sending a few cards, spread out over a journey, is really thoughtful and appreciated. To help accommodate, packs of Cancer Care Cards are available in quantities of 6 or 13 for this very reason. (If you’re of a math mind, you’ll notice there’s an economic benefit for purchases by the pack, too. ☺) Consider purchasing several cards or a pack and set a reminder in your calendar or phone to send a few cards over time.
Whatever you do, thank you.
Whatever you decide to do to support your favorite patient, thank you. Showing up matters. Showing up over time matters. . .even if you say the “wrong” thing or send a card that doesn’t perfectly fit the situation. You’re amazing for supporting your friend or loved one. You matter.
Thank you on behalf of all of us who face this disease. Thank you for caring and joining us along the journey. It’s good to have some company and to not feel alone.
Love first and Hope always,
Lulu