I wrote the following post on February 27, 2019. I had B A R E L Y started my fight against cancer, but I had a dream in my heart! This post S T I L L captures my vision and purpose. As I’m still dreaming and working towards figuring out the details, I had to share and give God some glory…

During my journey, there were just enough cards with a nod towards humor, empowerment, “you can do it”, edginess, or “I’m sorry that this stinks”-type messages that helped me realize these sentiments are what’s missing in greeting cards for cancer patients. When I received cards like these, they were among my favorites because I felt they “got it”. Many of these cards were sent by those who had been through similar battles and “just knew”.

I love Valentine’s Day despite the fact my only true Valentine has ever been my husband, Marc, and it wasn’t until my 35th Valentine’s Day I even had an actual person as a Valentine on Valentine’s Day. I just love it…and always have…

…Valentine’s Day 2019 was early in my treatment and soon after my diagnosis. The uncertainty of whether it was my last Valentine’s Day on this earth was real. We hoped it wasn’t and expected there would be more to follow but it wasn’t for sure.

I am learning lessons. Some are fun like ballroom dancing (yes, we’re really taking lessons right now), and other lessons are harder. One of THOSE lessons is probably one I’ve been trying to learn since I was in elementary school, and I might be starting to make progress. Maybe.

CONFESSION… I can’t do everything in a day I think I can.

This week I’ve learned of three friends or friends of friends newly diagnosed – one new lung cancer and two new breast cancer warriors. Cancer is so hard. It’s sneaky and stupid and scary and doesn’t care who it touches or the wrath it leaves behind… BUT, we know so much more now than we ever did. Even though there are no guarantees, there is hope in places where darkness used to be.

I found out I had breast cancer on a Thursday late afternoon. I remember that night, December 20, 2018, like it was yesterday sitting on the couch with heaviness in the air I’ve never experienced before. Making calls to start sharing the news. Knowing the cancer was extraordinarily fast growing and large, but nothing else. Wondering if we caught it ‘in time’ with no idea what ‘in time’ even meant.

Rare. Aggressive. Rarely a lump, still cancer.

As my diagnosis story and the first few days of my cancer experience were unfolding, two truths about my situation became very evident…