When to Send

When is a good time to send a card to a loved cancer patient? The quick answer is often and regularly. With any long-term illness, there is so much encouragement that comes from cards in the mail. While everyone is different, I can tell you the names of the people who sent me cards often; whereas, I may or may not be able to tell you the names of those who sent a single card. Full disclosure – chemo brain likely contributed to this memory issue, which is another reason why multiple notes are a good idea. ☺

If you’re planning on sending multiple cards, here are some times to consider:

A simple answer is weekly, biweekly, monthly or quarterly. This is great for easy implementation. You can set a reminder in your calendar or phone to ensure you don’t forget! 

Another great option is at different milestones along the journey. Here is a list of common milestones for most patients. 

• At diagnosis (or as soon as you find out) and diagnosis-related events:

  • Port placement surgery

  • Initial PET scan

  • Pre-chemo haircut

• Chemotherapy Infusions

  • Before the first day

  • At each chemo treatment – Chemotherapy regimens do occur on a regular cycle that can be weekly, biweekly, every three weeks, monthly, etc., so it’s a predictable pattern of times to send a card or note.

  • The last day of chemo is a celebration!

• Radiation

  • First day of radiation

  • Any time in the middle of radiation regimens, which are typically every day M-F for 3-6 weeks and do vary by patient

  • The last day of radiation is a celebration!

  • Patients can still use some encouragement up to two weeks after the last day of radiation as the burns continue to worsen up to two weeks after the last treatment.

• Surgery

  • Biopsies

  • Port placement

  • Cancer removal surgery

  • Preventative or reconstructive surgeries post-cancer journeys

• Post-cancer scans

• Post-cancer treatment and medicines

  • Many cancers come with another year or more (often five or ten) of additional medicine regimens. The completion of these treatment or prescription cycles are celebratory moments as well as they often signal the end of side-effects, financial burden, and high-risk periods for recurrence. As you can see, there are many reasons to celebrate the end of these lingering medicines.

• No Evidence of Disease (NED) = Remission is a monumental congratulatory event that many patients do not experience…so if your patient does, celebrate it! And understand that it’s not guaranteed, so keep celebrating NED!

• Cancer-related Anniversaries

  • NED is a great anniversary to celebrate, if applicable

  • Diagnosis anniversaries are bittersweet and while not something to celebrate per say can be a good time to stick a note in the mail to remind your loved one you’re grateful they are here!

• Holidays during a cancer journey – While these events should be happy and joyful, for me and several I know, there can also a mix of sadness, fear, and overwhelm that goes along with a humbling reality these days may be limited. Sending a note during these moments can remind your patient that someone else empathizes with this, which is a gift.

  • Birthdays

  • Anniversaries

  • Graduations

  • Religious Holidays (e.g., Christmas, Hanukah, Ramadan)

• By the way, if a loved one passes, it’s an honor for the immediate family to receive continued cards at all of the times listed above as well. Consider a yearly birthday card and memorial donation to a preferred charity.

*For many cancers, the standards of care are published so you can always do a quick google search for resources from the American Cancer Society or Cancer Centers such as MD Anderson, Emory Winship, etc., and familiarize yourself with the likely treatment plan of someone you care about and inform yourself of their milestones. You can look up drugs through www.chemocare.com and  if you’re close, you can also ask your favorite patient if they are comfortable sharing their treatment plan. Many patients do post updates which you can use as cues for sending cards and setting anniversary reminders in your calendar or phone. 

This is certainly not an exhaustive list and does not capture every perfect moment for each type of cancer or treatment plan. If you are a cancer patient and have information you’d like for me to add to this list, please reach out to hello@lulusfight.com. My hope is that this site is a resource to assist all friends and family members for all cancer types (and perhaps other medical journeys and journeys of loss).